we'll see what happens

Sun, 07 Oct 2007 17:09:54 GMT

I guess I'll use my myspace blog.

Wed, 03 Oct 2007 21:31:57 GMT

What happens is that after I don't see or talk to someone for a while, I just stop trying. Not because I don't want to see or talk to them, but because I don't know what I would do or say. I'm at a loss for words and action. I forget where we left off at and there's no way for me to remember. And at the same time even if we start fresh I feel like we'll never be whatever it was that we were because there's a span of time in between the meetings or conversations where the game of playing catch-up just will not do. Forgotten weeks that will never be discussed. No one will ever know what happened and I really like knowing what happens. I don't know what all this means. People need to be better to each other. Myself included.

Fri, 28 Sep 2007 19:00:53 GMT

MY COMPUTER IS DYING!

Sat, 22 Sep 2007 07:04:00 GMT

Seriously, the air smelled so good tonight. I can't wait for this gradual cool down to reach it's low and for tolerable weather to finally be here. I missed an Arizona winter last year and I'm definitely going to make up for that this season.

Unrelated though, who wants to play Balderdash? C'mon dudes.

Wed, 19 Sep 2007 06:37:16 GMT

My brain is aching and I blame the sweet non-coffee smell of my coffee bean attire that still clothes me. Although John Ryan insisted that I smell of clean hair and clean cotton I'm going to say that my nose is very keen to my current stench which is neither one of those.

Today I imagined myself floating a lot. Hovering and gliding over the ground instead of only the short strides that my legs can provide. I didn't feel like myself.

My bedroom is looking rough. My bank account is nearly empty. Let the church roll on.

Sun, 16 Sep 2007 19:16:45 GMT

Gosh! Waking up after a night of boozing and walking towards the sounds of Spanish music pouring out of the kitchen to find a delicious Mexican breakfast being prepared by Mom is great. I had dreams of tattoos and snow as well as some awful drawings in my sketch book coming to life. The last one was actually kinda scary, but it started out cool. I have to get ready for work now, but I just wanted to say that you guys are amazing. Simply incredible. Where's a trampoline?

Sat, 08 Sep 2007 04:06:51 GMT

It's all over. My entire being feels heavy. This skull of mine is missing all the thoughts that were there before. They were spit out and now lost. I only remember a few words and phrases, but my face is still held tight by the salty debris of the natural disasters known as tears and snot. I know that I've just lost a lot. I don't understand. I just really don't understand anything.

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 06:14:20 GMT

Tomorrow is day 1 of saying what I think. I know that it probably won't last an entire day though.

Wed, 22 Aug 2007 03:09:12 GMT

I like how quiet I am in class and how charming I must make myself seem. Careful.

Sun, 19 Aug 2007 01:33:26 GMT

My shoulders are sun burnt and it hurts. I saw the ocean this summer. That’s all I really wanted. This was a good season for me. Much was learned and there’s so much more left to be discovered. Even the things I’m still going through have yet to unravel. I made a new best friend who is constantly hours away from me, but at the same time Liana is back. Words don’t even describe how happy I am that she’s home. School begins Monday. Me saying that means that I’m giving the title of “full-time student” another try. It’s weird to hear how proud friends are of me for going back to school. It makes me feel like they knew how much I was fucking up by dropping out and were disappointed in me. The thought of letting someone down is pretty much the worst feeling ever, but now making people proud just motivates me that much more to stick with higher education besides the fact that I actually want to make something of myself…whatever that means.

I’ve been working really hard at making other people happy for quite some time or at least trying. It’s pretty thankless, but I guess that’s not the point. I think I’ve been as good of a person as I could be and I’ll continue along that track. However, I’ve compiled a small list of accomplishments that I hope to achieve. They’re all simple and practical. I doubt this will be a problem. It’s just a matter of switching my focus. I don’t know how to word “I want to focus more on me” without feeling a slight tinge of selfishness.

My Livejournal told me I hadn’t updated in two weeks and this is what I’m giving you. The sun is different in California. I love you.

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 04:03:31 GMT

On Yesterday:

Movie(Sunshine), dinner(Pasty), dessert(Pizzookie). A charming evening to say the least.

Present Day:

Got home. No one is here. I'm kind of sad about that for some reason.

In Spanish class my professor was really nice to me. Jorge remembers my name now and it makes me feel like I'm somebody. We made jokes and he was talking in Spanish really fast while I was waiting for him to assign me a partner and I heard him say all the sarcastic and borderline mean things about my classmates and it made me laugh really hard inside my head which then eased out of my brain and in physical form presented itself to the world as a smirk. Then he told me not to tell my partner that he said she was dumb. I like keeping silly secrets.

Now all I do is play Sonic the Hedgehog. It's sweet. My love gets back in just a matter of days. Four to be exact. I can almost barf from excitement.

Fri, 27 Jul 2007 19:18:08 GMT

There is thunder and lightning with light spurts of water from the sky. Flagstaff feels much better than Mesa/Tempe. The drive was nice. I didn't speed once and I got to cruise in neutral down a couple cool slopes in the road. Amie Brooks says "hi," to whom? I have no idea. Probably just a general "hi" to whoever is reading. We're listening to the Magnetic Fields and wondering what to do for an hour and forty-eight minutes. This morning we had breakfast at Macys which was nice. The waffles tasted like French toast in waffle form which was exactly what my heart was begging for, yet my stomach and appetite were the main things to benefit from said waffles.

I totally approve of Amie's room in this giant dome house that seems like it would be a psyche ward due to it's name. "Leroux House" weird huh? I'm done typing for now. I hope everyone is having a good day. Your high for today is 92 degrees, my high is 73. However we both share scattered thunderstorms. Sharing is nice. Love you and bye!

Wed, 25 Jul 2007 15:20:18 GMT

I’ve been waking up far too early lately. My internal clock beating my alarm clock is just pointless.

I’m nearly 20. Liana is nearly home. However I’m completely miserable. But this weekend will do me some good.

Tue, 24 Jul 2007 15:54:12 GMT

I sliced through my thumb last night at work. I woke up before my alarm went off to see that the band aid was missing and there was blood everywhere. I immediately removed my sheets and pillow cases and proceeded to Shout everything out because I bought my sheets in Guadalajara and sometimes when i wake up and the sleep is still in my brain and my bedspread is the only thing I see I like to pretend I'm still there in my little house alone and happy. Now I'm showered and eating Coco Puffs because I like how they transform the milk into chocolate milk by the time you're done with the Puffy part of it all. Schools waiting and I'm not excited.

Tue, 24 Jul 2007 06:07:03 GMT

As I was typing the first draft of this journal entry I realized that it was nothing but complaining so after deleting it I started a second draft that went a bit like:

“It seems all I do is complain, but right now I’m going to talk about all the good things that make living awesome.”

…and then I couldn’t think of any “good things” which was awfully depressing. That is when calling Aaron Neber came into the story and I asked him to tell me what is good about life. He mentioned scarves in the winter time, the excitement of meeting new people, cute dates with nice boys, books, et cetera. However, that just led me to get more bummed out. Why? No idea.

I need something exciting and new. I need to make myself happy again because clearly no one is going to be able to do that for me. It’s time to stop doing things that just lead to me feeling miserable. The meaninglessness that my day to day life and routine has turned into just is not working for me anymore. Significance is what I'm keeping my eyes and ears open for.

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 15:20:03 GMT

It’s funny how when you get the nerve to actually do something and you try to tell the person that seems to matter most in the equation of you deciding to do something, they’re nowhere to be found. Lame I say.

This morning I get to go to school. Upon waking up I was actually ready to end my sleep cycle. Ready to rise and shine. That doesn’t happen too often. Now I’m just sitting listening to the Velvet Underground and typing knowing that I should’ve done laundry last night. I’ve been putting off doing laundry for about a week. Bad Jasmin. My floor is littered with Star Wars toys and small figures of Chewbacca and company. I guess I have better things to do like read the small text on my new deck of Magic cards.

I will always love the Velvet Underground. Surely I love you too.

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 14:55:18 GMT

Seriously, shut up Jasmin you're so dumb and over-dramatic sometimes. The world stinks and people are awful to each other all the time. This isn't just happening to you so suck it up and move on.

But people are so terrible. What's the point?

Sexy July

Tue, 10 Jul 2007 04:25:00 GMT

Thu, 05 Jul 2007 05:52:41 GMT

I need just a few more hours of non drowsy time to complete the things that I have on my to-do list. Shit!

It was really nice driving towards fireworks shooting up into the sky as i made my way home this evening. SPA 102. Senor Garzon, you won't know what hit you. There isn't a need for me to use transitions is there?

This is how my thought process works. My legs need a tan. My arms need to un-tan themselves. Today I played the violin. I make it rain.

v2.0

Sun, 24 Jun 2007 06:03:50 GMT

I really did set myself up for this one. I need so many people right now it's insane. The girl up in the cool cool mountains, the boy drinking beer and eating pizza in a hotel room in Virginia, the beautiful woman finding herself in South America. Just come home, all of you.

All I Can Think About.

Thu, 21 Jun 2007 15:17:02 GMT

Wed, 20 Jun 2007 15:52:36 GMT

doowop, things are cool. like, really cool actually. currently this is my refusal to get ready and go to school, but i always have my 15 minute break to look forward to as well as all those inappropriate comments that i mutter to the boy that sits next to me.

Sun, 17 Jun 2007 19:24:21 GMT

I'm not going to call you

Sat, 16 Jun 2007 09:39:08 GMT

Really, follow though is the best thing ever. Saying you’re going to do a slip and slide and then doing that later in the evening; gosh…so good. Summer ’07 is turning out to be a great one.

I am a fish and I love swimming. I love drinking beers and looking at Jupiter and its four largest moons through a telescope. It’s too bad that my car battery ended up dying and I needed to jump start the poor baby, but things like that happen. Right now I am just stoked for life. Thank you to everyone who has contributed to these near overwhelming feelings of joy. I’m going to go to sleep and try my hardest to not fall out of bed. Wish me luck.

Mon, 11 Jun 2007 10:36:29 GMT

What a great nights dudes!

Free cake, snow ball fights in hidden places with plenty of friends both old and new, and watching terrible yet awesome scary movies packed with boobies and crazy killers. That’s not to mention diet coke/mentos bombs that ultimately failed 3 times yet managed to drench me in soda the first time around which was ridiculously hilarious for all those who witnessed it including myself, the victim. Oh! The sparklers…let’s not forget the sparklers! I’m feeling great. Sure life can really stink sometimes, but love is in the air and right now I’m feeling good.

Too bad I slipped in that icy pond of sludge though. It happened to a few other folks as well. Major thumbs down. I need to wake up in a few hours, but that intense amount of sleep I got is not letting me go to bed. Wait! I got some fresh ink for the summer compliments of Amie, Preston, Aaron, Kyle, and the lovely Stephen Steinbrink. Her name is Eunice.

Okay, Bye!